Dad Versus…Black Friday

Wake up. Black Friday. Day after Thanksgiving. Stomach still full. Ran eight miles yesterday at good pace. Legs sore, but a good sore. Bike ride afterward followed by flag football in our neighborhood. Our neighborhood is awesome. Had two Thanksgiving dinners with multiple groups of great friends. Would of eaten leftover Halloween candy for Thanksgiving otherwise the way The Machine (aka the wife) is working right now.

Consider going shopping on Black Friday. Consider poking an ink pen in my eye. It is my responsibility to keep Little Human alive today while The Machine works. Little Human wakes up. Feed Little Human. Get Little Human dressed. Little Human looks like a psychedelic homeless kid. Put ball cap on The Mop. Perfection. Take Little Human to zoo. It is cold in Florida. 52 degrees. Ride carousel with Little Human. Twice. Ride roller coaster. Ride train. See every single living organism in zoo. About three-quarters through zoo, Houston…we have a problem. Someone has to use the restroom. Very badly. And it is not Little Human. In a serious dilemma. Has a Finch-like aversion to public restrooms. Multiply aversion times ten when I have Little Human. I mean, really? Am I supposed to have her stand inside the stall and traumatize it for life? Or, leave her outside the stall to see whatever? Stumped. What to do? Somehow make it home after stopping twice on the side of the expressway wondering what was about to happen. Hazard lights on. Little Human asleep in the backseat in booster chair. Wondering what I would say if a police officer pulled over to at this moment to check on me. Would I use the former firefighter excuse or the fact I am about to use the restroom on the side of Interstate 75 in broad daylight? Or, I am just hanging out on the side of 75 enjoying the warm Florida sunshine? Watched cars fly by at eighty plus MPH. Wishing I was going eighty plus MPH at that moment. Geesh.

Nap with Little Human. Take Little Human to a “big girl” movie. Penguins. Madagascar. Dumb, but Little Human likes it. When not scared. Keep telling Little Human it is a kid film and everything is about to work itself out. Little Human does not believe me. Everything works itself out. Little Human crisis avoided. Eat $7 small popcorn. Want to debate/negotiate popcorn price. This is $.30 worth of popcorn. Consider asking for a manager. I am in that mood. Decide against it. Go to car after movie. A jerkoff leaves me 3 inches on my side to get in door. Consider setting fire to jerkoff’s car. Former twenty-year volunteer firefighter equals former trained arsonist. Decide against this. Besides, Little Human is with me. Somehow wedge myself into car. The Machine comes home after fourteen-hour day. Leftovers with neighbors. Games with neighbors. Not a bad neighborhood.

More to come…

About Ty Carver

Director, Talent Acquisition| Raycom| 63 TV Stations| 11X Marathoner| Dad| #Jobs| Opinions are mine
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