Dad Versus…Decorative Bed Pillows

Wake up…at my normal time. There is an unusual life form in bed beside me. The Machine is not at work at her normal 4:30am. Weird. Everything is now out of kilter. The fine-tuned schedule I have established getting Little Human ready for Pre-K is now complete chaos. Everything out of order. Our usual potty, brush teeth, get dressed, breakfast, sunscreen application is now breakfast, and everything else happens at the kitchen table. Minus the potty. Watch The Machine and Little Human speak a different language while doing The Mop. Little Human wants “Elsa braids”…whatever that is. The Mop does whatever The Machine wants…lays down, does tricks, speaks, rolls over, etc. Why is it so easy for her and so hard for me? Chaos finally ends and the dynamic duo depart for school and work. I am alone. In my office/house/confined space. Silence. Nice.

Make bed. Look at the pile of decorative pillows that adorn California-king bed laying on floor. Decorative pillow pile almost reaches window level. 6-10 decorative pillows at all times. Bend down and start arranging decorative pillows neatly on bed. Mess with The Machine from time to time and make teepee shapes or weird geometrical figures with decorative pillows. This rebellious act sends anal-retentive Machine into near panic mode most of the time. Place decorative pillows correctly according to plan today. Count in seconds the amount of time it takes to retrieve and arrange decorative pillows. 30 seconds. Begin to do simple math of how much of my life is wasted by retrieving and arranging decorative pillows. 30 seconds times 7 days in week equals 210 seconds. 3.5 minutes per week. 3.5 minutes weekly times 52 weeks equals 182 minutes…or, just over 3 hours yearly. I can run 20 miles in 3 hours. I can watch a football game in 3 hours. I can do a lot of things in 3 hours. My 3 hours yearly are spent retrieving and arranging bed decorative pillows. I have been married 5 years now. 15 hours total spent retrieving and arranging bed decorative pillows to date. I could run 4 full marathons with this time. When I ask The Machine why we must have decorative bed pillows…her answer? “They look pretty.” TO WHOM?!?! Nobody parades through our house! Ridiculous…

Run 5 miles. Hard. 25 miles in 4 days now. Am now officially in shape. Working on pace and increasing miles. Just trying to get my feet/knees to cooperate with the rest of the program. Have good days and bad. The thought of the 50K ultra-marathon 6-weeks away still terrifies me. 30+ miles. Still wondering when this new wall will hit and how to overcome this both physically and psychologically. Does the new wall now hit at mile 24-28 or still at 18-22 as with marathons? Will be interesting.

Work. Have a few incredibly hard positions to fill. Like finding a needle in 10 stacks of needles. But hey, if it was easy…anyone could do it. Jump on bike to ride to neighborhood café for lunch. Witness an accident. Go into former EMT/firefighter mode to help. Still miss these days from time to time…it’s in the blood. Speaking of blood, yikes. Person lives. Crisis averted. Finish work. Pick-up Little Human. Arrive home to see her neighborhood friend playing outside wearing Elsa dress. Little Human must immediately run inside to change into her own Elsa dress. Elsa’s run around while I have beer with liver-intolerant neighborhood friends. Work on more Christmas lights. About to have quarter bowling and dollar beer night with liver intolerant neighborhood friends. Will be interesting…

More to come…

About Ty Carver

Director, Talent Acquisition| Raycom| 63 TV Stations| 11X Marathoner| Dad| #Jobs| Opinions are mine
This entry was posted in Blog, Dads, Fathers, Little Human, Mop, Parenting, Ty Carver, TyCarver and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s